I was a Lucky Kid

 Comments on: Work travel: it’s required for my role and business, but brutal for my heart.

My 5-year-old is really struggling with me traveling this week.. She’s missing me more than usual and is worried that something might happen to me. That I won’t come back.

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Any words of wisdom to share on how you strike the working parent balance? 

My father traveled a fair amount for work. It worked out well for us. I didn't realize until I was an adult having parents who loved you and made it obvious they did day to day is so valuable. That matters. Being gone sometimes didn't matter to me, I am sure some days it was annoying and is annoying for other kids. But it is really a minor blip, in my opinion.

My father and me

We also got to live overseas twice, for a year each time, and that closeness really can't be duplicated easily living in the USA (or your home country I don't think).

A parent that loves their work also provides huge benefits, in my experience

I wrote about my experience

https://management.curiouscatblog.net/2015/05/13/the-aim-should-be-the-best-life-not-work-v-life-balance/

The theme of that post makes sense for this case too I think. You want to optimize your life and your children's lives. That isn't the same thing as avoiding any things that might have some negative aspects.

Related: Positivity and Joy in Work - Making a difference in people’s lives - Touring Factories on Vacation When I Was Young - Curious, Joyful, Happy Kids Grow Up: Unfortunately

Letting Mom Enjoy the Results of Her Work

I wasn't the easiest child to raise. I was pretty good as far as avoiding any real trouble. But I was quite a stubborn and argumentative kid. I still am really, but when in control of my own life, I can avoid much of what would annoy me (which sometimes wasn't so easy as a kid) - thus I am able to avoid situations where my behavior might not be so enjoyable for others.

I think I turned out pretty well. Most of that credit goes to my Mother and Father. Once parents can no longer stick drawing and report cards (I don't think my parents ever did the report card one - that would be too crass I think) on the refrigerator they don't have many options to get good feedback on their kids. I guess if you lived in the same town that might be a bit different, but for me that isn't the case.

I suppose there are some instance where parents can bask in the glow of their efforts: at their child's wedding, if they design the iPhone, become a doctor, etc.. That is fine, but nothing that really works for me, sadly. Having grandkids is the gift that keeps on giving in this realm, but again I am lacking.

One of the things I do is forward some emails to my Mom that I know she would appreciate. I feel a bit funny about it because what she is going to appreciate is people saying good things about me. And sharing people saying good things about you is considered a bit gauche isn't it (it sure feels that way). Still I know it really does make her happy to read such things.

I have had several such instances recently, which is what made me think of writing this. It is a bit funny, and can feel a bit odd, reverting to behavior that seems reminiscent of when you were about 8 years old. But I really do think it is a way that can make parents appreciate all the effort they put into making you successful.

Related: Kittens Reminding You to Thank Your Mother - Mother Polar Bear Giving Her Cub a Helping Paw - Encouraging Curiosity in Kids

Library for All

There are many efforts looking at providing access to content to those in the developing world. We can use all sorts of good efforts to make the world a better place. The Library for All is another good effort. Related: Letting Children Learn – Hole in the Wall Computers - Given Tablets but No Teachers, Kids Teach Themselves – Having Never Seen Advanced Technology Before - Providing Computers to Remote Students in Nepal - Action Is More Important Than Sympathy - You Can Help Reduce Extreme Poverty

Security Theatre Thinking is Damaging the USA

The simplistic security theatre thinking that pervades USA actions for "homeland security" is damaging to society and ineffective at providing security. Two extremely important aspects are the trumping of liberty by bureaucrats focused on theatre and their own power and control over those they are suppose to serve and disrespect for evidence based thinking.

The high school girl arrested for an school experiment gone wrong wrote a great article: Why a Science Experiment Gone Bad Doesn't Make Me a Criminal

I was really hurt and scared. I was crying. They didn't read me any rights. They arrested me after sitting in the office for a couple minutes. They handcuffed me. It cut my wrist, and really hurt sitting on my hands behind my back. They took me to a juvenile assessment center. I was sitting in this room with no clock so it felt like years of me sitting there. When my mom came, she didn't say anything. She just had this really disappointed look, and told me I lost privileges. But she's really been supportive of me. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have my mom.

We need our watchman to care about our society. We need them to see themselves as servants of society. We don't need bullies. We need to stop accepting horrible practices from proponents of security theatre and we need to find watchmen in the vein of Sheriff Taylor not those that see SWAT teams as a sensible reaction thousands of times a year.

The security theatre and SWAT team thinking pervades our policing today. We desperately need to learn from those like former Madison, Wisconsin chief of Police, David Couper a much better way of thinking for policing society.

Related: Freedom Increasingly at Risk - Tired of Incompetent Government Harassment - The last thing you want to do is increase the amount of hay you have to search through - Exposing Bad Behavior

The Wonder and Curiosity of Children

The Birth of the Scientific Method

She examined the box empty, and examined it again with all the jacks inside it. She picked up one jack on the palm of her hand, and held it out to me, saying, “Dat?” (Which is her request for information about a thing). I said, “That’s a jack.” “Jahk,” she said. And she said it again, touching various jacks: “Jahk, jahk.” 

As I sat watching her, I realized in a way I hadn’t since my own kids were small that play at this age is entirely purposeful. She was learning everything she could about those objects and how they worked. She was creating and testing hypotheses as fast as her little fingers could try them out.

I love experiencing the curiosity of kids. It is so pure and wonderful. They see the world and want to understand it. You are absolutely right about how deeply this curiosity is within us. Sadly we can still have it stomped out by our lives. It doesn't have to be, but it often is. And I think we miss that wonder, even if we don't know that is what we are missing.

I have written about this topic on my science blog: Growing Curious Children - Naturally Curious Children - Sarah, aged 3, Learns About Soap - Playing Dice and Children’s Numeracy

Systems Thinking: The Later You Are Picked The Better Off You Are

As a kid I would hear people say how mean it was to have kids being picked for sports.  Which mainly made me think of how incredibly wimpy we have become.  But that isn't what got me writing this post.  I always figured the later I got picked the better.  My team was going to be pulled from the same pool of people.  My belief was people could judge the ability of others to some extent but with plenty of room for error.

So if I am the second person chosen that means my team will be filled would likely have a significantly worse teammate than if I am the second to last person chosen.  This first came up in gym class.  I really couldn't understand this pretty obvious analysis was not appreciated by people.  I still don't, frankly.  But I do think I now understand psychology a bit better.

It is a rather silly bit of psychology that leads people to worry about when they are selected.  But lots of people let themselves get worked up with silly psychology when they would be better off realizing how silly it is to worry about some thing they can choose to let bother them.

I can understand kids wanting to be liked and appreciated.  Attaching much value to what order you are chosen for in some sport to your desire to be liked a appreciated is pretty silly.  But I suppose if lots of kids do it (which may well be true) perhaps eliminating picking sides is a fine counter-measure.  My desire would actually be to have us learn not to worry about stuff that shouldn't worry us (build up emotional intelligence instead of deciding anything that might potentially make anyone uncomfortable needs to be avoided).  But if we are unable to that, fine not having kids pick the teams is ok.

The value of being picked later increases in pick up games.  When the winning team gets to keep playing, while the losers might have to sit out until it is their turn again.  My appearance on the court has never been very impressive so I am often picked later than I probably would be if I looked more impressive.  And that has helped me be on better teams more frequently.

I see it as my innate appreciation of systems thinking that let me see the value of being picked late.  The only time this would worry me is if there were more people waiting to play than spots to be chosen, then I had to hope I didn't drop so far I had to sit out the first game.

If I played at the same place too often my advantage of being picked really late often suffered.  Still it is funny because quite often the person that is suppose to cover me is blamed (how could you let that bozo score), more than I am credited so I can still be picked later and gain that advantage.

I realize some kids won't be able to understand the logic that the best result is for them to be picked later.  But you might want to give it a try.  Perhaps it can jump start an interest in thinking about what system impacts different scenarios have.  And how you can benefit from situations where others might try to make you think you should feel sad.

Related:  Flaws in Understanding Psychology Lead to Flawed Management - The Illusion of Explanatory Depth

Using Sweets and Science to Interest Boys in Cooking

Deserts can also be a good attraction to getting boys interested in cooking: I remember as a kid myself.  I don't know how it happened, I wouldn't be surprised if my parents calculated to figure out what would tempt me.  My mom made great chocolate mouse when we had special guests.  I loved it.  At some point I learned how to cook it.

Also if they are interested in science, like I am, cooking actually has very interesting chemistry going on.  Which I never knew as a kid.  Showing them this can be fun.  I would have taken to cooking more if this was thrown in, I think:

Response to: How To Get Your Boy Interested in Cooking

Related: The Man Who Unboiled an Egg - Science Fair Project on Bacterial Growth on Packaged Salads

Curious, Joyful, Happy Kids Grow Up: Unfortunately

I must admit I find the wonder kids have amazingly refreshing. When I was a kid I just took it for granted. Now, unfortunately surrounded by way too many incurious, blasé, dreary adults I realize the kids really have a much better idea how to live than we adults do.

Have some fun. Have some fun with a cardboard box and a stick. Or a plastic dinosaur and a small firetruck. Or just reading a book, for the 56th time this year, about how some cat goes to the store.



Meanwhile I think an alien could appear on the subway and most of my fellow passengers would only be concerned if it was taking up too much space or blocked their exit, and if not, maybe not even notice it.

Hey, maybe this is why my parents always asked me "what did you do today?"
Me: [Jeez stop hounding me, Dad] "Nothing"
Actually what I did: played in a puddle; landed on the moon with Rachel and Dan and brought some moon rocks back to play with; learned that we named the people in North America, Indians, when Christopher Columbus came because we were completely wrong about who they actually were and somehow never got around to fixing that error (another strike against you crazy adults); and decided that really chocolate ice cream is better than spinach and adults don't have any idea what they are talking about.]

Me: [Why the heck do I want to talk about that stuff, you are an adult you must have done much cooler stuff. You get to do whatever you want, you are not trapped all day being ordered around by big adults who can make you do whatever they want :-(]. "Yuck, spinach" :-( [I can't wait until I get to just eat chocolate ice cream and no spinach]

Well maybe I now finally figured out why adults want to know what kids did every day - they might get some vicarious joy (having nearly forgotten how to find a falling leaf, or cool green shoe joyful). Now why people want to know what their spouse did, I still don't understand that :-)

Just watching the faces of adults and kids is amazing. Adults, by and large show no joy. A kid's face will show more joy when they see their Mom for the 8th time today than an adult will in the entire month. I just have to believe that is not a good sign.

As a kid I didn't think adults had much of a clue or very good reasons for why things had to be certain ways. Of course, as a kid, I was "unreasonable" and had to "wait to grow up" and then I would understand. I have to say I think my kid self had most of it right.

I didn't get how trapped we become as adults into day to day lives that we don't mean to chose - I did get that wrong. But I am not sure I was wrong that we shouldn't do that. But it is harder than I thought to avoid it (especially since I didn't think it was even a risk that an adult would be stuck doing stuff about as fun as being stuck in a chair and being lectured to with a bunch of other people all day long about stuff you often couldn't care about at all).

What is exciting to me now? Refinancing my mortgage at 3.75%. Now that is great. But, I think most 7 year olds have much better things they are excited about.

Photo of my nephews by my brother.

Related: The freedom to act before you have been trained to follow convention, at all costs - Sarah, aged 3, Learns About Soap - Letting Children Learn – Hole in the Wall Computers - Amy's Halloween Costume



Photo of my nephew at the Staten Island Children's Museum. We need to get back to that time when we spend through life in a blur of wonder and excitement.

Erica's Adventures In Saudi Arabia

Erica has some great adventures in Saudi Arabia, catching Spike the uromastyx (giant lizard), catching a Bufo dhufarensis (toad), and finding Cistanche flowers. Great stuff.








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